Satirically employing bad metaphors for the good word.
Jan 11, 2010
The Gospel is like blockbuster films of 2009.
The Gospel is like a lot of things. The Gospel is kind of like that movie "Avatar," because Neal A. Maxwell said there are people on other worlds, and I think that if we find them, we should be nice to them.
The Gospel is kind of like those "Harry Potter" movies, because we're special and we have special powers. Well, not really powers, but, like, the Priesthood and stuff. And we should share our testimonies with muggles.
I saw a movie called "Up" and it reminded me that we are all going "up," into Heaven. An old man puts balloons on his house and floats it to South America. Balloons are like faith, and South America is like the Celestial Kingdom (but probably more dirty and dangerous). Anyway, the Gospel is like a Disney-owned CGI-centric film company that got big because of a Tom Hanks cowboy and a Tim Allen spaceman.
There was this film called "Angels and Demons" in theaters recently and it just reminded me of how blessed we are to have the Restoration. Seriously, so blessed.
The Gospel is like "2012," because, um, well, the world is going to end and we had better be ready. But in the film, the sun hates us, and in real life, the Son loves us. Get it? Sun and Son? The Gospel is like my cleverness: infinite. Just kidding! But seriously, I want to close with my testimony that the world will end in 2012.
Indeed, "the Gospel is like a lot of things." But it is not like everything. The aim (or "work and glory," if you will) of this blog is to poke fun of bad analogies that people could use for explaining Gospel principles. Since this is, of course, satire, many things will be exaggerated, but a surprising number of things you read here come from actual metaphors I have heard people say from the pulpit.
As a hopefully needless disclaimer, do not take anything you read here to be official doctrine. Some of it will probably even be false doctrine. I wash my hands.