Six days ago, I had the pleasure of attending the BYU 244th Ward (Lanai), which is always a gold mine of interesting metaphors (a month ago, I heard someone testify about Tiger Woods and the film "2012" in the same paragraph). So, I was excited. Imagine my increased excitement as a counselor from the bishopric got up to the pulpit and opened his remarks with: "Hi, I'm Brother [so-and-so], and this week I bought a Bowflex." I was so excited, in fact, that I fell asleep. So I didn't hear the next ten minutes of his Gospel-Bowflex analogy, but according to what I hear, it was glorious. Let us now examine: in what ways is the Gospel like a Bowflex?
1. Our good friend Professor Wikipedia says, "Bowflex is the brand name for a series of exercise machines used for strength training and cardio training." Likewise, the Gospel is kind of like the 'brand name' for a series of principles and ordinances used for salvation and exaltation?
2. Wikipedia continues: "[Bowflex machines] are primarily sold through the use of infomercials." And hey, there's nothing wrong with that. Because, as you may know, the Gospel is also shared through television commercials. Perhaps T.V. hasn't quite become the most effective means of proselyting, but "isn't it about ... time?"
3. Speaking of time, exercising consistently with a Bowflex requires a considerable investment of time and effort (and money). Likewise, to live the Gospel also requires, well, everything. Disciples are commanded to be ready to sacrifice all they have. And if you've ever met a bodybuilder, they seem to be living under some similar commandment. The comparison is striking.
4. Bowflex machines can be dangerous, even for those who know how to use them. Wikipedia reports that in January 2004, about 420,000 Bowflex machines were recalled due to mechanical problems. Later, in November 2004, there was a recall of nearly 800,000. How does this relate to the Gospel? Well, not very well, unless you're an atheist.
Anyway. Looks like I ran out of steam on this one. I guess I'm just not insightful enough to be able to more deeply compare piety to pumping iron. Too bad I fell asleep during that talk.
Oh. And um... Amen.
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