May 19, 2010

The Gospel is like an upside-down turtle.

This weekend we went to the National Zoo with my niece. We saw a turtle who was stuck upside-down and couldn't get up. It was simultaneously the most hilarious and most profoundly depressing thing I've ever seen.

The other turtles just walked by, bad-Samaritan style, observing but not helping. It flailed around for a while (and a nearby kid kept yelling, "get up! get up!"), but to no avail.

This is like the Gospel because, as Batman's butler would say, "why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to [use the Atonement so Jesus can pick us] up."



May 2, 2010

The Gospel is like Axe Cop.

A few entries back, when I talked about the Gospel being like Bowflex, I mentioned my ward's propensity for ridiculous metaphors (said propensity was what inspired the creation of this blog in the first place). Well, I am no longer living at Lanai because I came home for the summer to work. I am kept up to date (my roommate, who blogs primarily about indie music and shoes, texted me this afternoon saying: "today at Lanai ward, the Gospel is like The Lion King. Simba is a less-active. Nala is a foxy active girl for Simba. Mufasa is God. You're welcome."), but my weekly church services are now provided by Herndon Ward, full of my parents' friends and babies.

I had hoped that being in a family ward would not limit ideas fueling a satirical blog such as this (the Gospel is like all sorts of things when deacons get to the pulpit, right?). My hopes were not in vain: last week, while driving through Ohio, I heard a Sunday School teacher compare the ass from Numbers 22 to "our kids." I thought that it was a bold move to tell your class that their kids were all asses, but the point was valid: namely, that sometimes we ignore profound spiritual truths as uttered by children when we're distracted or blinded by pride.

So, in tribute of those profound truths uttered by children, I present to you: Axe Cop. Written by a five-year-old and illustrated by his older brother, Axe Cop is the perfect encapsulation of a child's imagination. And how is it like the Gospel, you ask?

1. "Sockarang" is a member of Axe Cop's team. He has socks for arms that he can throw as boomerangs. This is probably the line of work Lamoni's enemies went into after Ammon was done with them.

2. Avocado Soldier, originally "Flute Cop," was turned into Uni-Avocado Soldier by a magic avocado and Uni-Baby's misplaced horn. Later, he became "Ghost Cop." These incidents are reminiscent of divinely-inspired name changes like Abram to Abraham, or Saul to Paul.

3. Wexter is Axe Cop's pet T-Rex with a "super fast bite." He has chain guns for arms, fire breath and can fly. This is just like Moses' pet T-Rex, Samson's Triceratops, or, y'know, other Biblical dinosaurs.

4. Axe Cop holds "try outs" to build a team of good guys when he needs to fight bad guys. In the spiritual battle of life, I certainly hope we attend the try outs and fight for the good guy team. Amen.